06 February 2012

Turning 30 . . . one!

Last year on my 30th birthday I woke up at 3am to breastfeed my six-week-old baby boy. My DH woke up with me and gave me my birthday present - a beautiful D&G watch. So, there I was at 3am with groggy eyes on the morning of my 30th, breastfeeding and wearing a very sexy new designer watch. I was happy. But I was also sad.

Right in the midst of being a brand new mommy I was on the feed/nappy/sleep/feed hamster wheel and I was missing my own mommy more than I had ever thought possible. So much so, that when all my friends tried to arrange a get-together for my birthday I humbly declined. I was puffy, sleep-deprived, in mourning and in no mood to party.

So, with the help of some very good friends, I ate instead. For breakfast the first of my friends arrived with two gigantic slices of my very favourite Nougat Cheesecake. It was yum. Later that day another friend arrived with a bag of delish sushi for lunch. That night my DH and two of my other favourite friends cooked me prawns and ribs (my fave combo in the world) and we had a quiet dinner together. I didn't leave the house on the day of my 30th birthday.

This year...was a little different. This year I woke up at 6.30am on the morning of my 31st birthday (because my DH got up with our now 13-month-old boy at 5.30am and let me sleep in). Even though it was only two days ago, I don't remember what I had for breakfast because, unlike last year, food wasn't my only 'comfort' and focus. From my DH and my Bug I got fabulous hair and pedicure vouchers, chocolates, undies and a note confirming that I had been signed up for a Philosophy course I've been dying to do.

I headed to the airport in the morning to pick up my dad and uncle who flew down just to celebrate with me. How lucky am I? After stopping at the shop for supplies we came home and had a massive chicken salad for lunch. Everyone else napped while I readied the house for the celebration. When I was done I sat on the couch and, for the first time that day, I let myself think about my mom. I thought about how she must have felt on this day 31 years ago when she gave birth to me. She was 18 years old. I thought about the special bond that grew between us over the years. I thought about the awesome birthday parties she threw for me over the years...especially my 14th, my 16th and of course my 21st. I thought about how I felt the day she was taken away from me. This was my second birthday without her.

Then I wiped away my tears, took a deep breath and resolved to think only happy thoughts for the rest of the day.

The theme of the party was, eh, 'People of Walmart'...haha! So I made chili dogs the way my mom and gran used to (even using the proper Texas Willie Chili powder my Pa had sent over from North Carolina for us), and gave my friends a real taste of the USA!

And boy did we party.
My Daddy-O and me...don't we look just a bit 'Jerry Springer'?!

My biatches
We partied the night away until 2am - the first time I've done that in a very, very long time! It was awesome. We danced and talked rubbish and let go completely. At one stage the girls got into a circle on the 'dance floor' (aka my lounge floor) and sang Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" as loud as we could at the tops of our voices...it was great!

A lot has changed in my life over the past year and it took reflecting back on my birthday a year ago and remembering how I felt and where I was mentally and emotionally for me to realise how far I've come. I'm in a better place now.

I'm finally starting to feel happy and 'whole' again.

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